Phobias

When I was about Katie's age, my family vacationed in Maine. We spent two weeks in a rented cabin on Sebago Lake. We had a great time fishing, boating and exploring. My brother and I loved to explore the lake and would snorkle for hours. During one of these journeys, we came upon a school of large trout led by a fresh water eel. I was instructed by Mark to follow the school while he went back to get the boat and fishing poles. He hadn't made it back to the shore when I realized the school was moving further out towards the center of the lake. In a vain effort to manuever them, I started splashing the water. All I really did was tick them off. The leader decided to let me know they weren't falling for it. This thing came up to me in the time it took to stop splashing and look back down in the water. I was sure I was a goner and the thing had eaten my leg. I almost drowned my brother when he finally reached me. I'm pretty sure if you met someone who was there that day they'd remember the blood curdling screams that echoed over the lake for several minutes. It took a good thirty years for me to admit that the eel probably just brushed up against me and didn't bare it's deadly teeth. I even faced some of my fears last summer when we went boating on Keowee and the girls wanted me to swim in the lake with them. But, I realized I am not cured...Enter...the...goldfish.
As I said, these fish are not your nickel sized floppers. They've got some meat on them. One of them is already gone. I am assuming it died and May took care of disposing the carcass, but she could have taken it home for dinner. Since we've only had them for a little over a week, she washed the bowl the first time. However, Katie decided to feed them on Monday and instead of putting the alloted ten pellots, she had an all-you-can-eat buffet. I took a deep breath and willed myself to clean the bowl. So, Mr. Liu gave us the fish and bowl, but we don't have a net. I improvised and used my cooking strainer. Not one of my smarter moves.
Anticipating difficulties, I placed the drain basket in the sink and set the now turtle-less bowl next to it. I thought everything was going smoothly until the little freaks started flopping in the strainer. Of course, a net gives and the fish kind of get caught...not so much 'give' with a strainer. It was more like a diving board. One jumped right into the sink, one managed to flop in the fresh bowl, and the biggest, meatiest one fell on the floor. Did I mention this was taking place while the girls were eating breakfast before leaving for school? I'm still surprised the guards didn't show up because of all the screaming. I literally stood there panicking for a good ten to twenty seconds before trying to scoop up the suckers. With my toes curled under my feet I managed to get that thing off the floor and in the bowl. The one thrashing in the sink was a bit trickier. It was laying across the handle part, which meant I had to move it. It flopped down into the basket and it, along with a few remnants of the past night's dinner, made it to the bowl. By this time, I was such a wreck I merely walked away, sat down on the couch and tried to start breathing again. The girls were trying to recover from their mother's apparant lapse into crazy world when they all gasped at the same time. "Oh, no!" I thought, "it's not over". Katie informed me there was something moving on the counter near the bag of bread. Then, she screamed out there were only three fish in the bowl. I initially didn't think anything was wrong with that particular piece of information until I remembered there had been four darlings when this fiasco began. We scoured the counter looking for the blasted creature until the bag of bread moved of its own volition. The stupid thing was lodged down in the bag in between two slices of wheat bread. A few more seconds passed while I tried to formulate a plan. First thought was I could just pack it into Katie's lunch box and she could trade it for a cup of soup at school. Instead, I replaced the already fishy sink basket, dumped out the premade fish sandwich, tossed the few pieces of bread across the kitchen, and slung the remaining critter into the bowl. This guy had to have been breathing air and munching on bread for a good three or four minutes, but remarkably (or unfortunately) the darned thing rebounded.
My nerves were officially shot for the day and it was only 7:20am. The girls were worried about me and wanted to stay home. I think they were also concerned their new pets may end up taking a journey through the sewage pipes of Suzhou. I told them not worry about their crazy mom and I promised that even though I wasn't particularly fond of their scaley friends I wouldn't intentionally harm them.
I may, however, pour some perfume in their bowl to make them smell better....
Update - These fish are resilient. Not one casualty overnight.